Learn the most efficient way to reduce overwhelm and prevent burnout so you can enjoy life and parenting even if your schedule is crazy busy and it feels impossible to find time for yourself!

Does it ever feel like your only two options in life are to run away or to grit your teeth and keep going?

I know I felt like that as a parent with young kids. Everything was a rush, so much to do, everyone needed me and there were NO breaks, no sleep, and little support. I would zombie through the day, fueled by coffee and a fear of failure.

I tried SO HARD to be everything to everyone. I wanted to be a good worker and I was proud of my work and helpfulness to my colleagues. I wanted to be a good wife, taking care of the home things that my husband seemed inept at and always making him happy. I wanted to be a good mother, to give my kids the best childhood experiences so that they always felt loved and nourished (unlike my childhood experiences). I wanted these things SO badly. And I worked SO HARD for them.

But it was too much. And I felt like I wasn’t cutting it. And I wanted to escape to some place quiet where nobody needed me and where I couldn’t possibly fail. A place where there was no conflict and my world wasn’t threatening to come crumbling down around me.

I knew that if I kept going I would be crushed, but escaping wasn’t an option.

And after years of searching, I finally found the problem. I finally understood why I needed to prove myself all of the time; why I took on too much; why I couldn’t say no; why I was afraid to speak up; and why I was completely unable to relax.

I realized I could spend my energy working on just ONE thing, and this would change my world completely, free up so much energy and help me to build a lifestyle where I can keep up with all the insanity of my schedule without burning out.

That ONE THING is the BS (yes I said it) that your mind feeds you that keeps you working to be worthy and lovable. The great news is that you can shift away from your Mind BS to a place where your Mind, Body, and Soul all have equal voices in your life.

Stop your Mind BS from running the show so you can shine as the star you were always meant to be.

Let me show you how!

Grab a piece of paper and watch this video to start uncovering your Mind BS today:

Video transcript can be found below

Kristina Coderre is a busy mom of 4 who is passionate about helping parents build a lifestyle that includes joy and fulfillment WHILE tending to the chaotic grind of raising a family. You can join the conversation in the Blissfully Busy Facebook group or chat directly with Kristina to have a heart to heart about your personal circumstances.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to our first self-care Sunday where we explore what it means to fill our own cups!

I’m so excited that you took the time out of your long weekend to focus on YOU because you, my friend, are definitely worth it.

Today we are going to start exploring what drives us to be so busy that we can’t relax, and we still can’t say no, and end up living in a perpetual state of being overwhelmed.

We are going to do an activity in a few minutes so grab a piece of paper if you don’t have one already.

I have had days where I would burst into tears because I was so busy, and it felt never ending. No matter how hard I worked my to-do list never got shorter. I was exhausted but if I sat down to rest for a second, I immediately felt guilty and inadequate. I would try to play with my kids but I was stressing because I felt that I SHOULD be using that time to get something done, and as my child chattered away I could feel my stress levels rising until the need to jump up finally won and I said, probably a little too loudly, that’s great sweetie, but I have to start dinner now!

And off I would go with like a “What’s next, what’s next” panicky mantra as I got stuff done.

I’m sure my son could feel my stress. I’m sure that I was giving him some hidden message that he’s not worth my time, or not as important as whatever chore I left him for.

And so these hidden messages are what I’d like to talk about today. Not the messages we give our kids, we’ll talk about that another day, but the message WE received as child.

Because these hidden messages are driving our behaviour right now, today.

Isn’t that scary?

Hidden messages I received as a child are shaping how I show up today, right down to how I dress, how I act, and yes, how busy I am.

Think about how often you were praised as a child for doing something for someone else.

“What a sweetheart! Thank you for bringing that to me!”

Or for achieving something:

“Wow you got an A+!” or “You scored the winning goal”

And the negative messages when you didn’t:

 My parents often joked “A B? Why isn’t this an A?”

And then there were the snide comments about people being lazy or useless or messy. Even if they weren’t directed at me, it was very clear who were the “good and worthy” people and who were not.

And these examples are just SOME of the obvious ones that are said out loud on only one topic - achievement. We also receive millions of more subtle messages about every topic imaginable every single day of our lives. Like the subtle message I gave to my son that he wasn’t as important as my chore.

And our minds are magnificent machines. Our mind takes in this wealth of data and it starts creating programs that steer us into social success. Be safe in our family unit. Make our parents happy. Fit in with our peers. Be good, be accepted, be helpful, for then you will be worthy and lovable.

My mind had confirmed these programs over and over because I get the most love, the most praise, the most positive attention when I am helpful and good and obedient. Nobody yells at me. Nobody tells me I’m annoying. In fact, people are happy to see me because they know that I’ll be sweet and helpful. I am a welcome member in my social circle. I am not a bother.

Does that resonate with you? Did you receive any of those types of messages as a child?

Type yes in the chat to let me know I’m not alone in this.

And so over the years I went from that sweet and helpful child who gets straight As to an overwhelmed, over-stressed grown up who can’t sit for 5 seconds without panicking.

Why? Because I was still running old programs that I learned as a child. our My mind never cleared them out!

Old programs show up as all sorts of hidden beliefs like I am only worthy if I have a clean house and well-behaved kids and nutritious food at every meal. I am only worthy if I shine at work and help everybody always. I am only worthy if I live in a certain house in a certain neighbourhood and drive a certain car. I am only worthy if my body is fit and slim, and my hair is perfect, and I dress a certain way, and I have a perfect partner, and everyone knows how in love we are, and we go on amazing holidays, and I throw my kids the best birthday parties with the biggest loot bags. I am only worthy if I never get angry, or yell, or cry or FART for goodness sakes.

How impossible does that feel? It kinda feels like I am only worthy if I am not human.

And the real challenge is that we are not even aware of this old programming. We don’t know why we feel inadequate when our mother-in-law drops by and our house is a mess. Why push up bras and Spanx and makeup at such hot markets. Why we pretend like everything is fine when it’s not fine. Or why we need to drink or scroll or eat or binge watch Netflix until we forget how hard it is to try to be all of those things and never quite measuring up.

Let’s do a quick exercise. Grab a piece of paper.

Now pick one area of your life. Something like parenting, or career, or family, or even your house.

I’m going to pick parenting, and write that at the top of your page

Now divide the rest of your page in 2 so you have a left side and a right side.

On the left side write, in order to be good, I need to…

I’ll give you a minute to write your own answers to this but first I’ll give you some examples in my parenting category:

In order to be good, I need to:

• Be patient all of the time

• Give them the best experiences

• Never yell

• Put my kids first

• Ensure they excel in school

Take one minute to write whatever comes to mind for you in your category. Don’t over think it, just write.

If you are feeling it, please share one of your insights in the chat.

Ok let’s move to the right side of your page and write “I wish I could”.

Some examples from my parenting category - I wish I could:

• Take a break

• Get them to do things themselves

• Know what to do

• Run away

• Take some time for myself

You have one minute to write your wishes.

Ok now look at your two columns. The left is driven by your old programming and the right is driven by your true authentic self and your very valid needs as a human.

Is there a disconnect between the two?

For most of us, our personal needs as a human have been pushed aside in favour of the programs that at one point kept us safe and that disconnect causes an internal conflict that leaves our nervous system on high alert, which shows up as anxiety, panic, restlessness, avoidance, procrastination and numbing.

But the great news is that we can combat all of those things just by reprogramming our minds so that we are running new and current programs to address our reality NOW and not what we had to do as a child.

When we uncover our old programming then we get to DECIDE, as a grown up, if we want to keep it or toss it - or maybe rage-smash it with a baseball bat.

And so over the next few weeks and months we are going to see if we can uncover more of our old programming and take active steps in aligning these two columns.

And the amazing thing is that when we do that, when we start examining the hidden programming that is driving our behaviour and discarding the programs that no longer serve us, slowly that overwhelmed, stressed out “omg I’m so busy” panic starts to subside. You start making decisions and taking actions from a slightly different angle and the people pleasing and inability to say no start to seem like old habits that you don’t need any more. and before you know it, the joy starts creeping back in.

That’s our goal here: to reduce overwhelm and increase joy.

And I hope that we can all do this together.

It’s my dream that this group will be a space where we can be brave and vulnerable in digging into these topics. This won’t work if it’s just me talking to you, this only works if we are all sharing and real and open, as a community of people who want to grow and heal together.

If you are willing to show up for yourself, write “ME” in the comments.

If you are wanting a group of people to do this with, write “support” in the comments.

And if you are willing to get a little bit vulnerable, if only with yourself, write “I’m in” in the comments.

We can do this together, one tiny brave step at a time. And as we say good bye so you can enjoy the rest of this glorious Sunday, let me know…

Are you in?

Have a great day!